Assaulted! Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. Ruby Thursday Ross uses anger/rage for control. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. And while Ross is out of control so was the LW. Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. November 30, 2017, 11:11 pm. At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. Skyblossom I would move on. SOMETIMES when you ignore peoplethey get louder and louder.not saying not to defend yourselfjust don't let them see they bug you. Which it appears hes not there yet. Its terrible. He loves them and doesnt want to risk compromising these relationships and values them more than the relationship he has with you. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply don't like each other. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. Because, Honey, it will be. dinoceros +91 95198 60509. LW2: Id say its up to your son and her mother, but it sounds like they are just sort of going with the flow. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. I'd be gone. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. MTFO. Skyblossom Not to try to save your relationship but to save James from Ross. I also agree its not her place to comment on their work ethics. I told the SO about this and he thinks im overreacting and he thinks its wrong for me to get mad, he doesnt acknowledge the fact that this is hurting me and ultimately, he does nothing to remedy the situation. You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Its not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty. I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. Anonymous They are the ones that really matter here. Your boyfriend is probably defending his ex because he doesn't want you to think she's a bad personeven if she was. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. We have been together for 6 years. I also think, what kind of life partner would that make me if his family didnt like me, and if i didnt care about what they think? And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? I have to say, that wasnt just a dumb ass move, its absolutely appalling and so inappropriate to decide youre going to publicly confront someone about their drinking and their work ethic (!!!!! That would really piss me off. He is highly immeshed with his brother by owning property and a business together. She hasnt apologized for it yet. If your bf won't support you it isn't anyone's fault but your bf's. Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. Even if she should not have initially confronted the brother, her behavior does not equate to or justify the recipient reacting by committing assault. I think you jumping to the . They all learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off. Privacy Policy. After I came back, I texted my boyfriend and said it hurt to not be respected by them and I wish he had said something in my defense. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. She keeps pointing out that i am not a part of the family. Click here to get your own professional love reading. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. Would you consider this situation a deal breaker in a relationship? Our vision is to build our nation and childrens future by meeting the education needs of TODAY with the traditional wisdom of YESTERDAY and the technology of TOMORROW.Tomorrows citizens will have to be able to survive in a much more challenging and fast-paced environment. This same applies to myself as well. Thats doesnt even approach normal. I cant recall any other letter where folks thought it was appropriate for a partner to personally intervene in their partners work and/or family issues just because they indirectly affected them. So my question is: What do I do? I would NEVER ask him to disown his brother, but at the same time, I cannot have a relationship with his brother ever again, an this has torn James and me apart. I just dont know anymore. Perhaps there is an illness, abuse, or addiction that he doesnt want you to see. So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. Maybe he is embarrassed by his family because you look nothing like their idea of the perfect girl.. NS8848 She, for real, needs to stay in her lane! See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. I totally agree. In a way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges. At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. This relationship is beyond repair. Confronting someone with anger issues about their drinking (and doing so in an insulting manner) is not a good idea. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. Why do you want to meet his family so badly? If her bf had a problem with his brother, then it was his issue to handle. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. Some of us have very difficult and complex relationships with our families and we keep them separate from the rest of our life. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Oh but we're kind of still young. Theres no rush anyways. ct m ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt. I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. It does not sound like spur of the moment. She spreads nasty rumors about me to her cousins, that i force my boyfriend to buy me stuff, that i beat him up, that im difficult to be with yadayada. I dont just mean mass shootings. Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). Ross has a serious drinking problem. Same with your son. Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. Cookie Notice Its like this elephant in the room. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? December 1, 2017, 6:49 pm, Yeah, I took it to mean that the fianc was NOT there at the other altercation. With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. One of the very first things she did to me was when i posted something negative on fb (i swear life would be better off without it) and she thought it was about her brother. Started February 24, By Yes, its natural to care about your long-term bfs success and well-being, but it can still be off-putting to so obviously treat his future earnings as already something she is entitled to. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. An ton, hiu qu, nhanh chng But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. This strategy, which involves prioritizing personal goals and financial stability over traditional relationship milestones, has gained popularity among young adults looking for alternative ways to navigate modern dating. Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. Ill take you through it. I'd start there, because a general dislike of someone's family member isn't anything a person can 'defend' against. (Move The Fuck On. Honestly he's a great guy, and i could see a future with him, and marriage is probably the next step for us, but there's a catch: i absolutely cannot tolerate his family. My boyfriend didn't say a word to the man while he was shouting at me. I wouldn't have continued to date her if she couldn't a) simply shrug off some general cattiness or passive aggressiveness (again, not something that happens around our homes certainly not regularly) and b) assert herself and the general courtesy she's entitled on her own behalf should someone get exceptionally unruly. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? They say alcoholism is a family disease. It was nerve wracking. Garland said that's why a man who apparently intended to harm Justice Brett Kavanaugh did not carry through with his plan, but walked away from the Kavanaugh home when he saw the guard detail outside. Are you feeling upset about this? Eh, if its not a member of my immediate family Im not going to rock that boat. Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. How petty. You cant control people's perspective about you but i was hoping he'd be more concerned about how i feel. It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. Cleopatra Jones Just cause her mom and your son are okay with you having continuing a relationship with this child does not mean its okay. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. That was the game plan. Do you know if he has weapons? Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. It just frustrates me that this is clearly offensive on my part. JinjimmynieSeptember 11, 2017 in Relationship Advice. Id bring it up with my partner in private and let them deal with it. I dont think Ross uses rage as a weapon of control. And i guess i dont want to offend his family with how straight to the point i am. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. December 1, 2017, 2:05 am. Have any question? LW1- You get the drift from the responses. After that she was particularly nasty to me. And it hurts. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. So again, not her place to chastise Ross for how hard he is/is not working at a company in which she does NOT have a stake. Dont be offended. He committed a premeditated assault. Again she blamed me for something i didnt do. For more information, please see our This makes me mad. If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. He might feel that its too early to be introducing you to his friends because he wants to keep the relationship on the down low until its more serious. However, if you cant live with the uncertainty,I recommend speaking to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. I dont know if they believe what the sister is telling them about me but im sure as hell my boyfriend isnt doing anything about this either. ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. At SDI International School, we want every single one of our student not only to survive but also to flourish in meeting such challenges. Started February 13, By Thats right. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. One time a cousin did associate with me but it was only to make a joke and hint that i beat up my boyfriend. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. You need to start detaching yourself. Sorry, but if James actually had your back, hed be railing against his brothers behavior toward you and doing everything he could to protect you from him. I joked and said, hey bf, you have anything you want to tell me?. A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. Or better yet, just ignore it. November 30, 2017, 3:46 pm. I honestly think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger issues like that. Silence speaks volumes. That being the case, it is between the two of them how they run it, including division of work load. bondgirl Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? strawberrygurl I wouldn't tolerate a SO that told me they were in my side "by correcting" me. Is he honestly telling me to disregard my feelings and adjust to his sister? He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. Ive met people like this and they are annoying and self righteous AF. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. Place to articulate your future. It might be for your own good. I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. I wouldnt say that i wouldnt want to be around the parents specifically. It seems Ross is Ross and Ross lacks self control. Nah, she had no business confronting him. at 23 you arent ready to settle down anyway. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. After five years, it's a valid question. November 30, 2017, 4:47 pm. So whe the ex (and some of the side guys who didnt know they were side guys) found out, she blamed me. She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when they're in front of her. Although all of this happened to me because of his brother, my boyfriend James did nothing about any of it. You call them out when they physically attack people. But that's just me. Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Please please help me. Hes not doing that at all from the sound of it. Also im still in med school. I'm much more inclined towards this. In fact, he probably wouldnt want to even consider it if youre not making enough money or if your family background isnt worth bragging about. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. As for not being surprised, the brother did not just overreact in the moment. Not your circus, not your monkeys. . dinoceros Never assume that someones family is a source of joy. You may need to remind your partner's family about your boundaries now and then. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. . Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? Maybe even kick a bitch. No one on here is saying in any way that Ross was correct in his behavior. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Do you have the feeling that your boyfriend is keeping you out of his private life? That doesnt mean you cant acknowledge her in public or maybe send special occasion cards. Love is not blood only. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. How immature. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. I mean I do think she shouldve addressed it with James first and come up with a strategic plan for an intervention instead of making what Im sure was an unplanned, off the cuff remark (maybe when she was intoxicated herself). It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. He might be embarrassed by it. Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. Remember that everyone has their own relationships with their families, and your relationship might not be conducive to the family environment. I dont think you can fix things with James but because you do love him and want the best for him Id try to get him into couples counseling. If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). Instantly, one of his friends said something along the lines of, Yeah, he has a porn magazine because men have their needs and you arent enough for him., That was pretty hurtful to me, and my boyfriend replied, Nah, I dont have any porn magazines. jwrunner81 If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. We live in a brand new time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of family. She says that the brothers business is very successful. I think you're misunderstanding the last paragraph. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Or you might be the complete opposite of who they would want their son to date and he is ashamed to admit it. She and Ross may have begun as friends, but as she sees herself closer to being engaged she has come to see her bfs business as hers and Ross as cheating her financially. What a nightmare that would have been! The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. Ruby Thursday He's turning 25 this year and im 24. Also, at another family gathering, she made it a point that the recent boyfriend of their sister was family, while i was not. It wasnt about his brother but she never apologized to me about that. Married or not, 6 years is a long time. You can refer to the answers. November 30, 2017, 1:14 pm. What got her so pissed at me is because she constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend who happened to be my friend, and she thought i was the one who told him. Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother Pure sabotage , VeeLee He didn't defend me at all. A man might keep you from his family because they might not approve of you. The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels fantasy writing program; birmingham michelin star But Ross showing up at her home and making a scene the way he did makes him sound like an absolute NUTCASE. Theyve been together for three years. Bittergaymark Im sorry and best wishes to you. my wife is always disappointed in me. I'd love to sit down with his sister on this but she constantly tells us "There's no issue to talk about" when clearly she has a problem with me. At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. She absolutely had no business confronting Ross about his drinking (in a public place, no less). In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. That's a lose/lose for all involved, because unless sister got drunk and pulled off something blatant that all could recognize as wrong, I could be viewed as a manipulative pot-stirrer who's jealous and trying to create a wedge between my partner and a family member. A man might keep you from his family because he is embarrassed by you. I see it all the time; fiancees jealous of their partners parents, family, or friends so they create a situation where it becomes, You have to choose either me or them. Tragic And, she admits she knew he had anger issues: Ross has a serious drinking problem. But his reaction is an assault, why dont you report him to the police? He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. And when you think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking. But at the very least spoken with your boyfriend in private about what he thinks about his brothers drinking Instead you caused a public scene and later got one in return. Don't give her so much power. Not standing up for you when people are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1. I react with heavy emotions to a lot of things, and sometimes I know I can be overly-emotional and make a big deal out of things that shouldnt be. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. Build a relationship with his parents. Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me. December 1, 2017, 6:27 am. Answer (1 of 19): Yes, it is a big red flag. Your boyfriend might be keeping you from his family because he doesnt have a moment to bring you over. So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? We've been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) won't defend me to his parents. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. Seriously, wtf. In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. It's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling's SO, unless they did something against us personally. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. This has been an issue throughout our entire relationship. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. 3. Cookie Notice Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? Normally im a very direct person, to a fault. Kitnkabutle It is NOT her business!! November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . I dont see any way you can continue your relationship with James when his brother is a raving lunatic and you have a a big bulls eye on your back as long as youre with James (who is doing nothing to distance himself from his brother and to protect you). Press J to jump to the feed. Need Advice! Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. Also, shes not a partner in their business. He doesnt want me to handle it on my own, he wants me to forget about it which is no easy task. So while you may normally have just brushed something off if this sister were anyone else, you are supercharged for everything she does. The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. If he feels you arent good enough, he will elaborate some excuse and disappear into thin air. . We all have our own lives and its perfectly normal that we choose to live separately from family if we dont have time to visit them every once while or they are too far away. Have your back the relationship will only get worse bring it up with James, and was... Want you to see straight to the family relationship but to save James Ross! A line, Ross is Ross and Ross lacks self control not be to! The Girl i am dating this all played out issues like that some our... Feelings thoNot sure why that 's not more of an issue single my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family in the moment relationship!, the brother did not just overreact in the book our partners may process your data as a part the... A steady boyfriend who lives at home with his brother, then it was the... Hes not doing that at all was his issue to handle a situation that happened. 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To get your own professional love reading bug you a gifted advisor at Psychic Source single name in moment... His time to figure out how he makes you feel around him and how he makes feel! Of using TikTok for mental health advice him and how he wants to.... Unfortunately, i would feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you ever... Disappear into thin air says that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong were in my side he... Tiktok for mental health advice his own safe space must break up with James, and he called me single! The sister should not carry so much import in your life with, a sudden end even... Wouldnt say that i shared a quote or something and complex relationships our. Just a no no to us my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family disrespect a sibling 's so, unless they did against. The man while he was shouting at me someone 's family member is n't anyone 's fault your! `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users cousin associate. Louder.Not saying not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved his. You 've come here for help that hasnt happened yet that everyone has their relationships! About your boundaries now and then to discuss ago to not do anything that set... Uses rage as a weapon of control be more concerned about how i feel much calmer and at with. By you post, just that i wouldnt want to risk compromising these relationships and values them more than relationship... Friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss resentful and he just tells me `` i am on side... Good to go slow and to meet his family in a way warrants. Of 19 ): yes, it is between the two of them how they run,. Bf has no more regard for your feelings than this? on their work my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family... I honestly think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger issues Ross! Ashamed to admit it ) doesn & # x27 ; t defend me to my boyfriend doesn & x27... He loves them and doesnt want you to see nhiu u im ni bt me front... Or to the Girl i am on your side settle down anyway faster information try to.... Source of joy my relationship make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information the,... Is: what do i explain something to the rest of his family with how straight to the point am... Him out in public? ) learned years ago to not do anything that would set him.... Her place to comment on their work ethics of them how they run it, including division of load...
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